"Good luck! You are well on your way to becoming a host! Here are some friendly tips I took a lot of time out of my day to think about for you!
-Do drop parties
-Lie about your total amount bet and how long you've advertised for
Do this things and you're even further on your way, good luck!"
Sometimes if you're feeling daring, you might want to switch '-' out for bullet points or something, for variation and so people who don't know don't catch on, and maybe add in a few words of your own to really give the reader a warm feeling in their heart that they get when they think (keyword: think) somebody gives a fuck.
Congratulations, you now have 10,000 posts.